Where did my confidence go?

This is me to a T. When things go well, I begin to sabotage myself. Lately, I have been running the gambit of emotions and plain yuck. I want to scream, run, and hide! Often times, i get myself into these lovely little predicaments. Oh the pain that I cause myself. I don't need satan to ruin me. I do a fine job on my own...Thank you very much! I have yet given taken the time to heal over all the other junk that I have allowed in my world to cause deep battle scars. 

Happily Never After

The fact is that I am completely undone about romantic relationships. I have doubted, hated, and destroyed myself with poor choices in this aspect of the last 14 years of my life. Come to think of it I have always looked to others to validate me. Don't get me wrong, I don't need someone verbally smearing me with honey, but I have literally looked for myself in the eyes of another. 

I love to encourage others. I love to put into others' lives. I have just never learned to invest in myself. Over the past two years, I have learned who I am. I have not always acted like the princess that I know I can be or even should be.

Wind out of My Sails

It is in that moment that I am sailing along complete in my faith and knowing that God is healing me from the inside out, in spite of my foolishness, that I get a message from a ghost from my past. Unexpected, long awaited, life-giving words came to my e-mail inbox. I completely lost my breath. The wind was seeking absolution from the pain it caused.

Generalizations are Death to ALL things...

IRONY is my world. I grew up with a grandmother and aunt with the greatest sense of ironic, sarcastic, twisted humor (in my opinion). I laugh at things that to the majority of the population would not necessarily laugh at. My brain works differently than most, so I embrace it. I love seeing plot twists in life. I don't relish or find humor in pain, but I have a deep respect for it. I don't diminish anyone's journey and how they deal with their hurts, but I also don't ever want to walk in someone's shoes. I can still sympathize at the least. I can have compassion or I can take my shoes and walk away. Such is the way of relationships in my life.

Generalizations come in many forms. Skin color, a place a person lives relatively to the  north or south side of town, in an argument, politics, religion, but mostly in IGNORANCE.
Though generalizations may not bring death to ALL things, they do require intense forgiveness. Words to avoid: always, never, every...etc. I think you get the idea.

Chasing the Wind

Most days my thoughts are caught by the wind and carried away. Today is one of those 'special' days. I am struggling with my medication lately. I took a trip in February, and have had a hard time getting back on schedule since then. My friend told me that she saw me cycle through mania and depression a few times over the span of that week of our vacation. That is a scary thought, since I promised myself that I would never let myself get there again.

Pseudonym

I began this blog with the hope to help just one person. I began as myself. The moment I got the "I don't understand why you do what YOU do." BS, I began to hide again. Walls came UP... 

The Best of the Best Mood Stabalizers

Lithium; Benzodiazepines: Alprazolam (Xanax), Diazepam (Valium), Lorazepam (Ativan), and Clonazepam (Klonopin); AntiConvulsants: Valproate (Depakote), Carbamazepine (Tegretol), Lamotrigine (Lamictal), Gabapentin (Neurontin), Topiramate (Topamax); Antipsychotics: Olanzapine (Zyprexa), Risperidone (Risperdal), Clozapine (Clozaril), Quetiapine (Seroquel), Ziprasidone (Geodon)… And that is just for Manic Episodes!

Two-Face(book) or Not to Facebook? That is the Question!

         

I am having a baby! We are getting married!!! <3 I have decided to finally lose those pounds that only I care about. I have a friend who is going through a tough time and prayers would be appreciated. God is so good! Come and join our EVENT! “Life is a box of cherries; you never know what you are gonna get.”