Wind out of My Sails

It is in that moment that I am sailing along complete in my faith and knowing that God is healing me from the inside out, in spite of my foolishness, that I get a message from a ghost from my past. Unexpected, long awaited, life-giving words came to my e-mail inbox. I completely lost my breath. The wind was seeking absolution from the pain it caused.




So I speak in riddles and it may seem like I talk from my butt. I just don't know how else to speak sometimes. It may make sense to one person. It may just make you scratch your head and go..."yep, this chick has lost her mind!" I can accept that. It is who I am. It is perception. It is a mask. It is temporary insanity.

For 10 months, my heart has ached and longed for the wind to fill my sails. Yesterday, tears purged the pain. It was a rush of solution that cleaned the toxins from my veins. The fact that our emotions affect our bodies so deeply, this created release and I was finally able to breath. The proverbial elephant took to all four legs and removed it's weight from my chest.

The wind no longer has the power to rip holes through my fragile sails. The memories and remnants of love provide smooth sailing. As time goes by, I step off the "roller-coaster" of emotions for longer periods these day. I am learning to manage my frustrations and give back to myself.

My diagnosis is NOT who I am. My emotions will NOT control me. I have my moments, but they do NOT define me. Bipolar is a road that I am learning to navigate. To be in my life is to experience this, but I am a damn good tour guide.