I was quiet to the outsider looking in. Being in a relationship that was unhealthy in so many ways, I forgot how to laugh, to think, to dream, to be me! No one seemed to be worried about me then. I was married and everything appeared to be good, so when things crumbled before everyone's eyes I looked crazy. I think I saw it called 'gaslighting'. I happened to come across that definition when I was reading someone's post on Facebook today. Nonetheless, I was not being true to myself. I was worried about what others thought of me.
Now that I have things to say, there are people who 'worry' about me. ??? What people don't realize is that I am actually very joyful. I love my kids. I have wonderful friends. I work closely with my doc, and I get plenty of laugh therapy whether I want it or not. I am not having large mood swings. I just have a lot to say. I have a lot to share. Wanting a relationship with me takes effort, not much but some. I won't divulge my deepest, darkest thoughts to just anyone. I have no more than 4 people that I can say just anything to. There is only 1 person that I tell 99.9% of what I think or do. I do that because there is a bond. There is trust. This blog may make me seem weak or vulnerable, but there has to be some level of openness.
My hope is that people can look beyond judging me for the memes and other posts on Facebook. May those who read information that I share in my blog find their own silver lining. I am being true to myself for once in my life. There is no rhyme or reason to what is driving me to push through painful situations to share my experiences. I know that if someone doesn't like what I do or what you do, then they have the issue. It's not us. I will take one day at a time and #Btrue2myself . #BU #pain #mentalillness #stigma
Keep the conversation going!
Listen: http://rd.io/x/QffCSDdkxck/
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