PROGRESS Haulted

My Bi-Polar disorder is my enemy today, not that it is ever my friend. The hardest part of having a large goal, such as this blog, is that i experience this fantastic high of emotions and motivation,  then CRASH! I hit a wall. My thoughts grow throughout my mind like viral bacteria. It overwhelms my train of thought until I can't breath and I am paralyzed mentally.  It doesn't just affect this one activity.  It affects work and home. I become numb.

I know that having someone to talk to about all of these thoughts would probably make things better, but instead they begin to back up. My mind becomes constipated with wild, rampant thoughts. I can't share my thoughts if I tried, so I go further into myself.

I now have 3 or 4 developing posts, but I bounce in between them, trying to make sense of thoughts that are getting louder as they try to escape my brain.

I need more rest because I know the crash sucks, but i don't want to  stop. If i stop to rest, then it is never enough. The weather affects the fibromyalgia that has plagued my body for the past 5 or 6 yrs. The pain brings brain fog and that brings even greater frustration. I recently went back to the doctor for lab work and to discuss increased anxiety. My doc adjusted some of my meds, but has not called out a new set of refills for the one medication that helps me function. I am now on day ' um too many' without it. These are the days that I am thankful for being single. I can't handle another person taking my numbness personally.  At least with my kids i can cuddle up and veg out until my head gets right or i go on an up swing. They are so wonderful.  yea...i am gonna focus on them.

#crushbipolar #2BorNot2Bmental #bipolar #justanothermanicmonday #mania #Euphoria