Where did my confidence go?

This is me to a T. When things go well, I begin to sabotage myself. Lately, I have been running the gambit of emotions and plain yuck. I want to scream, run, and hide! Often times, i get myself into these lovely little predicaments. Oh the pain that I cause myself. I don't need satan to ruin me. I do a fine job on my own...Thank you very much! I have yet given taken the time to heal over all the other junk that I have allowed in my world to cause deep battle scars. 

Happily Never After

The fact is that I am completely undone about romantic relationships. I have doubted, hated, and destroyed myself with poor choices in this aspect of the last 14 years of my life. Come to think of it I have always looked to others to validate me. Don't get me wrong, I don't need someone verbally smearing me with honey, but I have literally looked for myself in the eyes of another. 

I love to encourage others. I love to put into others' lives. I have just never learned to invest in myself. Over the past two years, I have learned who I am. I have not always acted like the princess that I know I can be or even should be.

I NEED A Wish Right NOW!

Manic episodes lend to wishing, dreaming, wondering...These lend to frustration and agitation. (for me anyways) This has been one hell of a summer. Life Never goes to plan, so I yell "Plot Twist!"

Battle Scars

This song hits me to the core. I have been in and out of relationships for the last 14 years of my life. Never giving myself a chance to breath, I ran from one to another. Impulsiveness is not unique for someone with a diagnosis of Bipolar.

Wind out of My Sails

It is in that moment that I am sailing along complete in my faith and knowing that God is healing me from the inside out, in spite of my foolishness, that I get a message from a ghost from my past. Unexpected, long awaited, life-giving words came to my e-mail inbox. I completely lost my breath. The wind was seeking absolution from the pain it caused.

If the Tennis Shoe Fits...

It has been approximately 11 months since I have stepped into the gym. This is the same gym that I have continued to pay a monthly fee of 21 dollars and some change. I guess if I would have cancelled it, then I may have never gone back. Well, that is what I am going to tell myself. On March 16th of 2015 I finally crossed the threshold and decided to put myself on a healthier path. I am tired of being tired. Dealing with the wearing of hypothyroidism, chronic Fibromyalgia, and  bipolar has taken a toll on my emotions, mind, and body. I am about to be 35 years young and I want to feel good about my body.

Generalizations are Death to ALL things...

IRONY is my world. I grew up with a grandmother and aunt with the greatest sense of ironic, sarcastic, twisted humor (in my opinion). I laugh at things that to the majority of the population would not necessarily laugh at. My brain works differently than most, so I embrace it. I love seeing plot twists in life. I don't relish or find humor in pain, but I have a deep respect for it. I don't diminish anyone's journey and how they deal with their hurts, but I also don't ever want to walk in someone's shoes. I can still sympathize at the least. I can have compassion or I can take my shoes and walk away. Such is the way of relationships in my life.

Generalizations come in many forms. Skin color, a place a person lives relatively to the  north or south side of town, in an argument, politics, religion, but mostly in IGNORANCE.
Though generalizations may not bring death to ALL things, they do require intense forgiveness. Words to avoid: always, never, every...etc. I think you get the idea.

What Came first, the chicken or the egg?

Rain, Rain Go Away! By the Way, Stay Away!

The answer to the age old question is a no-brainer...

Quiz Links for Mental Illness

Click to Determine Mania

This quiz allows you to keep track of Manic Episodes based on a series of questions. Mania can have a slight misconception of one being super hyper. *This doesn't replace the opinion and diagnosis by your General/Family/Internist Doctor and/or psychiatrist.

Click to Determine Depression

This is a quiz that will present an array of symptoms and give you a score that could determine that there is a possibility of depression present.  *This doesn't replace the opinion and diagnosis by your General/Family/Internist Doctor and/or psychiatrist.

The Best of the Best Mood Stabalizers

Lithium; Benzodiazepines: Alprazolam (Xanax), Diazepam (Valium), Lorazepam (Ativan), and Clonazepam (Klonopin); AntiConvulsants: Valproate (Depakote), Carbamazepine (Tegretol), Lamotrigine (Lamictal), Gabapentin (Neurontin), Topiramate (Topamax); Antipsychotics: Olanzapine (Zyprexa), Risperidone (Risperdal), Clozapine (Clozaril), Quetiapine (Seroquel), Ziprasidone (Geodon)… And that is just for Manic Episodes!

SURVEY JUNCTION

*All Surveys are Anonymous*

Click on the Question Below

Which Diagnosis do you have?  

How long have you struggled with your disorder? 

Which Symptom causes the most Problems in your day-to-day? 

Being True to Myself

Silence doesn't mean that all things are good in one's life. I thought I was just being a private person, but it was shame. For a period of time I shut myself away.

Misconceptions of Bi-Polar Symptoms

The link below leads to a blog written by a doctor who describes how some may view the symptoms of a bi-polar person. 

PROGRESS Haulted

My Bi-Polar disorder is my enemy today, not that it is ever my friend. The hardest part of having a large goal, such as this blog, is that i experience this fantastic high of emotions and motivation,  then CRASH! I hit a wall. My thoughts grow throughout my mind like viral bacteria. It overwhelms my train of thought until I can't breath and I am paralyzed mentally.  It doesn't just affect this one activity.  It affects work and home. I become numb.

Two-Face(book) or Not to Facebook? That is the Question!

         

I am having a baby! We are getting married!!! <3 I have decided to finally lose those pounds that only I care about. I have a friend who is going through a tough time and prayers would be appreciated. God is so good! Come and join our EVENT! “Life is a box of cherries; you never know what you are gonna get.”

Am I a lunatic? Welcome to my Bi-Polar World!

    The purpose of this BLOG is not to embarrass myself or others in my life. I will not call anyone out or spread gossip. This is my journey.  It is NOT a justification for idiotic and foolish decisions that I have made in my past.